(no subject)

[deathboy]

Fucking fucking FUCKING FUCK

What I need, what I really totally need, absolutely most of all this morning, is to have a shrieking, INSANELY angry teething baby taking the fucking roof off with nightmarish, ear-splitting, military-grade SCREAMING and I cannot find a single fucking dummy in the whole FUCKING house (let alone a sterilized one). In the bed? No. In MY bed? No. Next to any of the beds? No. In the cot? No. In the play-cot? No. On the side, with ALL THE OTHER BABY THINGS NEXT TO THE STERLIZER? No. IN the sterilizer? That would be foolish, no. In the baby travel bag? No. WHERE? Fucking WHERE?!

I mean, where the FUCK does she PUT them? This happens all the fucking time.

Some days, this whole babying in the daytime lark makes me want to go and kick swans' faces off.

Comments

[cunabula.livejournal.com]

Sample it, then when he asks you what that racket you're playing and calling music at top volume through the speakers in his teenage years, you can tell him "It's you, deal with it!"

Best of luck with finding the dummy too.

[yaruar.livejournal.com]

get your own supply and keep them somewhere only you know...

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

word. my thoughts, too.

[needler.livejournal.com]

coat pockets? cutlery draw??
you need 3, one for tiddler and one for each of your ears ;)

[wrong1.livejournal.com]

Have you tried googling for it?

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

Found (0) results.

Moderate safe-search is _ON_ - would you like to display (34619) partial matches with adult-rated content?

(YES)

1) ButtplugsRUs.com

2) Minidildos.org

3) SwanBeakProsthetics.net.au

4) Cybertits.net

(34615 more)

[taliszanna.livejournal.com]

I assure you: swan beaks don't make for good soothers.

[bridd.livejournal.com]

Man oh man... I know *that* scream. It's like the flying Nazgul wotsits in LOTR :/

Put a back-up dummy in a safe location, not in the production environment, that you can roll back to in the event of dummy-outtage !!

[dan-lane.livejournal.com]

in the baby's mouth?

[alixandrea.livejournal.com]

Erik apparently teethed on biltong (in South Africa) so I recommend getting a stash of that for you and Corben to share. Beware though - it's scarily, yummily addictive... ;-)

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

heh, might suit him, but I don't do meat ;) Worth looking into, though, I can see why something chewy like that would be good... can't be worse than rusks... those look like a great idea, but turn into soggy shite in seconds!

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

Have you tried BickyPegs? I'm sure they mix them with concrete.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

nope, will investigate!

necessity is the mother of invention

[voofy.livejournal.com]

the fact that I'm greatly amused by the idea of tying food to an infant to prevent them getting separated probably just demonstrates that I've never really spent much time arround small children, doens't it?

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

Somehow I never found the ribbon to be very useful, Ben unattached himself and chewed and sucked on it instead of the 'peg.
He also liked sticking them in his ears, which goes to show what a strange child he can be at times...

[edwards.livejournal.com]

Oh good god. I'd forgotten those existed.

And they have the bonus of such a mind-blowingly middle-class babyname.

I thought they'd be good for making fenceposts for midget's houses.

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

BickyPegs

Ho yuss. Another vote for those here. You invariably loose the ribbons before you run out of pegs, but that's no big deal. And they stubbornly refuse to turn soggy under any circumstances (eg. being left in the garden during the Gloucestershire floods).

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

That's obviously what Gloucester needs: flood defences made out of bickypegs. Of course, if they're ever attacked by a hoard of marauding zombie babies they might have a problem, but I suspect an imminent attack by a hoard of zombie babies would bring about larger problems than just the loss of flood defences...

[alixandrea.livejournal.com]

Ah now proper biltong is rock hard and takes a while to soften in the mouth, at which point it melts and becomes utterly delicious. Find somewhere that does great sticks of it, hand the whole thing to the bairn and let him chew on it. I guarantee it'll keep him going for weeks! ;-)

[nniaa.livejournal.com]

My kids teethed on biltong. Works a charm. They won't touch it now though.

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

Give him a bottle until you find one.
Or blow raspberries on his tummy until it distracts him enough to stop doing to ear-wrenching wails and you can *think* properly.
Good luck!

(for later, try get some of these http://www.mambaby.co.uk/sootherssaver.htm they're great, you can attach them to his tops and never lose the dummy again :)

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

He'd just come off the bottle. Plus, giving him a bottle is not something you can do AND search at the same time to any great effect. We've got the soother-saver things... in practice, you don't use 'em all the time (like, when you want 'em to sleep) and they can be a slight pain in of themselves when they get more mobile (as he's doing) :/

I do know how to chill him out, it's just temper-blowing when he's going bonkers all for the sake of a misplaced dummy :/

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

I'm obviously a bad mother; I found propping Ben in a bean bag with a bottle or some other such chewy sucky thing gave me plenty time to bugger off on a dummy hunt :) (or food reckie!)

[reddragdiva]

"Or blow raspberries on his tummy"

Hah! Works a treat on Freda as well ;-)

[privateskylark.livejournal.com]

Hijacking DB's thread but I wanted to say I hope you're doing well! x

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm doing very well. I'm getting married on Friday! :D

[notagod.livejournal.com]

We store all the dummies in an empty formula tin. Guaranteed there's at least 10 of the 5000 we bought residing there, the rest are strewn like cunning squishy traps throughout the house and car :)

[edwards.livejournal.com]

If you add your own stash, those will also get misplaced. The only solution is to surgically attach one to his ear on an unbreakable string.

Wherever she hides them, they are guaranteed to be in the last place you look.

[privateskylark.livejournal.com]

I'm in town, I'll just have to pick one up for you and bring it over!

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

You're entirely welcome to :D

give us a call or something - 'you got my number?

[yuitsu.livejournal.com]

I remember babysitting my cousins..dummies were either everywhere you damn looked or nowhere at all. Kids quiet and burbling? Dummies aplenty. Opening the gates of hell with screaming? Vanished. Stick some rusks in yer ears. :)

[flemco.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the "magic" of parenthood.

[glitteringlynx.livejournal.com]

Dude, they sound like Carl's cat toys. Just when you need one, they're no where to be found. Any other time they seem to be everywhere.

My solution has been to have several stashes of extra put away. Also when you find the rest, put them w/ the stash. That way you SHOULD have some handy when you need one.

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

No. In the cot? No. In the play-cot?

Under the cot, mate. Our likes to take hers out of her mouth, hold it in her hand, put her arm through the cot bars, then discover she can't work out how to retract arm whilst holding dummy. The dummies then fall to the floor, but somehow manage to end up underneath the cot, rather than to one side.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

That is, damn you, precisely where it was :P

Smart-arse.

;)

[scathedobsidian.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't be worth it anyway. Those swans would fuck you up, man.

Swans are fucking savage.

[miss_squiddy]

In her ears, I expect.

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, I appear to have bought one (http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180159330262) of those. My goth cred lies in tatters.

[miss_squiddy]

Ahahaha! Ace!

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

icon <3

[stilettowhore.livejournal.com]

What, couldn't find any clean socks?

[mechanicaljack.livejournal.com]

she secretly takes them with her to drive you insane!