Strange Days.

Strange. Fucking Days.

AWwwwww hell, yeah.

So... there's been a lot going on recently, not all of which I can comment on "publicly" (for the sake of certain mates of mine who'll get their arse in a sling if I did... for the sake of argument, let's call them Rich, Catch and Dave).

On a shit note:

I had my Palm Pilot stolen straight out of my hand while reading a book on it, waiting for a bus.

Fucking opportunist little 16 year old wanker just rode past on a bike, and literally just took it out of my hand.

However, despite the fact that I couldn't catch up with the fucker, I still feel like I had the last laugh, on a points basis:

Let's analyse the situation:

- The fucker got my palm pilot. 1 point to "fucker".

- I couldn't catch the little shit because I'm unfit and I smoke. Oh, and have asthma. Oh, and he was on a bike. 2 points to "fucker".

- The silly bastard ignored my screaming after him that I'd give him money to give it me back... and he'll probably only get £30 for it, TOPS, because it's fucking stolen. Deduct a point from "fucker", but then give it back for common sense, being as if he'd have come anywhere NEAR me to take me up on my offer, then I'd have TORN HIS FILTHY FUCKING EYES OUT OF HIS FACE. So, "fucker" still on 2, deathboy yet to score...

- I am not without a Palm Pilot. After around four hours, I had a new one (well, second hand, but perfect condition) at half the new price, because a friend of mine that was staying with me wanted to sell one for extra money for when she returns to korea, which she now has. So, I was without technology for a whole four hours. Ha ha ha ha ha, fucker. 1 point to me, I think.

- I didn't lose any data. Not a jot. Because the Palm is the one thing of mine I back up ALL the while. I synched up the "new" palm in about ten minutes, and it's now, for all intents and purposes identical to the one I lost. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa, fucker. 2 points to me.

- The Palm has no way of charging it except the docking cradle. Which *I* have. Which means what he stole will be as useful as a brick in precisely 4 hours of use. Another point to me.

- "Fucker" has, of course, got access to all my data, because I didn't lock the Palm. Of course I didn't. I was fucking USING IT. I didn't QUITE expect it to be ripped out of my hand, you know? 3 points all...

So, we're level pegging at this stage, but, I beg you, consider the following tie-breaking facts:

- I'M GOING TO FIND, KILL AND RAPE HIS ENTIRE FAMILY, PETS AND ALL. IN THAT ORDER.
+1 point x 10 for mindless violence multiplier

- I WILL SOON OWN EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING HE HOLDS DEAR.
+2 points for inevitability

- I STILL HAVE A FUCKING PALM PILOT, AND IT COST ME MORE THAN YOU GET FROM THE DOLE FOR TWO WEEKS, FUCKY, BUT ONLY A THIRD OF WHAT I'M PAYED FOR A FUCKING DAY OF MY TIME.
+10 points for the little prick causing me a minor fucking inconvenience only to have me sort the fucking situation out in a couple of poxy hours.

- I DON'T LIVE IN A FUCKING COUNCIL ESTATE FUCKING HOVEL, SMOKING DRAW ALL FUCKING DAY, SLOWLY PISSING MY SHIT FUCKING LIFE INTO THE GUTTER TO FINALLY DIE HATED AND LONELY IN A FUCKING HIDEOUS CAR CRASH.
+100,000,000 points because I'm fucking deathboy and I will fucking kill you all.


So, I think we can all conclusively decide who's the loser here.


On other notes, I've been meeting a few people I've known online recently, which has been cool, I seem to be managing to limp towards another payday (friday, thank fuck), and I've written a new tune.

Oh yeah... I've not only written a new tune, I've started a new fucking album.

I forgot about that.

Heh.

Yeah, I've now finished the tracks for "Music To Crash Cars To", although it still has some finishing off work to be done, and have started a new album, (currently) titled "Riding the Biorhythms".

The first track of which is called "MURDERTHEFT" (let's play spot-the-reference), and should be online in the next day or so:

Go and listen to my music, you fucker, even if the new track isn't up yet.

Ok... I'm gonna return to some code n caffeine n stuff.

laters, y'all.

-=Scott=-

You know what sucks?

You know what sucks?

Meeting someone you actually give a fuck about sucks.

Because it'll hurt you.

Trying to be nice to people sucks.

Because they'll believe this is weakness.

Being lonely and trying to do something about it sucks.

Because you'll only fail. Utterly. You'll drive away the people you wanted to be with more. You'll know you'll do this, and you'll know you're powerless to stop yourself from doing it anyway. And when you do, and you're sitting back in your black little pit, knees up by your head, arms losing bloodflow because you're pulling yourself in so tight it hurts, rocking back and forth in the space you just emptied, which used to be occupied by someone that maybe, just maybe, you could actually make a connection with... banging yourself against the walls, determined to make them give in first... you think...

"I shouldn't have tried so hard."

...

"I should have known this."

...

"I should have shut the fuck up and done the usual. Pretended not to care, pushed them all away, acted aloof and superior, because it's only then that they EVER fucking pay me any attention".



And you'll be right.



BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP AGAIN, YOU FUCKING MORON. YOU CUT THE TIES WITH JUST ONE MORE PERSON IN A STRING OF HOPELESS FUCKING INTERACTIONS THAT COULD NEVER AND WOULD NEVER LIKE YOU FOR WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FUCKING PATHETIC. BLEED, YOU FUCKER, BLEED, FUCKING ALL OF IT. OUT. NOW. GIVE IT FUCKING BACK TO THE BIGGER PICTURE, TAKE YOUR FUCKING LEAVE AND LET SOMETHING ELSE USE YOUR FUCKING SPACE BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT EVER *EVER* BE WANTED, NEEDED, CARED ABOUT, EVEN FUCKING *TOLERATED* BECAUSE YOU *DO* *NOT* *DESERVE* *TO* BE*.



I'm cold now.



How the hell does all that work?




I don't want this.

I need something else.

I need nothing.

I need something.

Anything.

Everything.



NOW.








Please?