Ahh, FUCK.

I'm about to get drunk (quelle fucking suprise).

The buzzing in my head... the continuous tension... is getting worse.

It's not a headache, it's those muscles on the side of your head, by your temples, that tense up when you scowl or concentrate... they've been like this all day. It actually *hurts* now.

Also, I'm hallucinating.

Going to the shop to get my vodka was a very fucking scary experience.

Also, I think I'm running too fast... because everyone else seems to be running very slow... like they're moving through syrup.

Things aren't making any sense.

Ok, enough of this; I'll see how the vodka affects it all.

Music time.

Music and vodka.

Yeah.

Then maybe a million years sleep.

Yeah.

DeathBoy Season.

If anyone else would like to attack me right now, then I present my FUCKING jugular.

So long as you know that if you try it, I'm going to tear the skin from your fucking face and keep on stabbing until they nail me to the fucking floor.

I refuse to be hurt again.

I can't go numb anymore, I seem to have lost that ability, I'm just a fucking hurt machine, I just sit here and spread myself open wide to people.

I'm a hatred disposal unit.

And it's DeathBoy Season.

So come on.

I'll be your own little fucking personal torture-slave.

How fucking hilarious.

Someone PLEASE make this all go away.

[this has been a "yes, I fucking know that I recently posted quite a positive thing, but that doesn't mean I'm not currently walking through hell, pissing blood from my eyes" announcement]

Who is the me that's living me now?

AWWW, SHIT.

Right.

So now, my amplifier has decided to die.

Only the right hand channel works.

Oh, fucking christ.

If I lose my music, I'm done.

That's the one thing I could never handle.

Please, fucking PLEASE don't let this happen.

NOT FUCKING NOW.

FUCK IT.

I can't afford it, but, with satan as my witness, I'm buying a new amp tomorrow.

I will die without music.

It's the one single thing that makes me breathe in the morning.

Take my eyes away, cut me to ribbons, take away everything I ever loved, but take my music, and I'm going to die.

Flippancy.

In case you wondered.

I forgot how to cry.

If I had someone to break down to, I would.

...

Hilariously, I don't.

I need someone to hold me, tell me it's ok, love me unconditionally, make me warm and make me know it will be alright.

And all I have is my hardware.

S'ok.

I'm writing music.

So I spose something comes out of this.

This would all be so much easier if I could only swallow religion.

Fuck.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.