fankiddies

I am fucking SICK of this fucking fankiddy cycle.

FUCK.

I love it when occasionally people like the stuff I do. I'm a fucking over-sensitive, irrational, needy, fucked-up, attention-seeking twat, that's why I make music.

I REALLY LIKE THE ATTENTION, OK?

But I'm really REALLY fucking tired of The Cycle. It goes like this:

* Person Who Llikes Music gets in touch via emails / facebook / IM etc

* Person Who Likes Music gushes and is all pleased that they're talking to Person Who Makes Thing They Like

* I talk to Person Who Likes Music like they're a normal person, because I AM A (fairly normal) FUCKING PERSON.

* Person Who Likes My Stuff then either STOPS FUCKING TALKING TO ME or TALKS TO ME ALL WEIRD because I'm not MAGICAL FUCKWIT DEATHBOY THEY HAD IMAGINED.

* Either I sign off or they do in abject horror, with me being left with this MASSIVE sense of not fulfilling some FUCKED UP idea of a person I never even pretended to be.

Yeah, I know "oh, I should wish to be so fucking popular, oh no, it's so awful, people like you la la fucking la" ... totally, it's all anyone could ever fucking want to be talked to by people you thought liked the stuff you made, how MASSIVELY ungrateful I am.

BOLLOCKS.

If you get in touch with me, I'm just a TWAT who writes music. If you don't want your illusions shattered, buy the fucking CDs and DON'T fucking talk to me.

Fuck, man. I have enough problems just being myself in my own life without having to try to live up to your fucking crazy ideals.

I just make stuff and hope people like it. A simple "nice work fella!" would suffice.

It's really gutting when someone's your friend because you made something they liked, but then they find out and have no qualms about showing that they don't in fact like you.

Yeah, I'm sure I'm fucking blessed for this even being a problem I have crop up because obviously, the most important thing in the universe is for people to adore a photoshopped, auto-tuned idea of you.

I drives me up the wall. I don't bloody encourage it, and I feel like a bunch of crap every single time.

FUCK, man.

I have met lots of ace people via the music and all that, that are just lovely people, and I'm sorry for the outburst. If I was good at this kind of thing, paradoxically, I wouldn't exactly be singing about the stuff that people like, now, would I?

I'm making no bloody sense.

got the wrong man

DeathBoy - All He Has To Do

words on top of Piano Glitch Jam

Insecurity and breakbeats.

I do what it says on the tin.

( lyrics )

die, you zombie bitch, die

hi-score

Corben just picked up the X-Box controller after watching me playing! So proud!

cassi

If anyone of youz lot know phuturatica, she's having her op in the next day or so, and is in hospital at the moment.

If you've got her number, it'd be really nice to drop her a text to wish her well and keep her spirits up, I think she's feeling low and worried, so please send her some love :)

ta :)