folks

[deathboy]

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

My folks have been phoning, emailing and texting me for the last week or two.

I have not got back to them, which I do feel bad about, and I know how frustrating it is for them, but the reason is this:

What they wanted to do was to talk me into going home for my birthday.

Home. Burntwood. Shittest one-horse town in the midlands. I don't think they even have the horse anymore. I suspect they hung it on charges of witchcraft. No-horse town. NEGATIVE HORSE TOWN. Except that they think that minus numbers are the work of the devil. I think they once burned a man alive for using a fraction.

Burntwood favours supermarkets, teenage pregnancy and casual violence. I HATE 'home'. I loathe the place and most of the people in it with a white-hot passion. Every single time I go back, I remember how much I hate it.

My parents want to see me for my 30th, but, being the laziest people in the universe (when it comes to visiting their kids), instead of saying "hey, it's your 30th birthday, you know, YOUR birthday, we'll come and see YOU" - oh, no. They want me to get on the motorway for a few hours, return to the brood nest and have a nice game of "kick the swan's face off", or whatever it is they do in Staffordshire for entertainment.

They had a cinema there when I was a kid. It got closed. I suspect they thought it contained mischievous spirits.

I haven't even worked out what I DO want to do for my birthday, but I know that being in Burntwood is not a part of this plan. So, I finally cracked and called my dad back after a voicemail messge listing the various ways in which he'd tried to get hold of me and how it was important.

When he picks up, after the obligatory mock-surprise at my calling him, he reiterates the list of ways in which he has attempted to contact me. I explain that I'm sorry, but that I haven't worked out what I want to do and meant to call back when I actually knew, but that I wasn't planning to come home.

"Who said anything about coming home?"

Well, you did, dad. And mom did. You both did. In text messages, on a near-daily basis.

"We could come and see you, maybe"

Yes, but you won't.

"And of course, we get to see Corben"

Which is, to be honest, what I suspect the real reason is, entirely. You want to see the baby, you can't be arsed coming down here. Wait for it, wait for it...

"But I did think that maybe you might want to come up here or something..."

Of course you did. Why in the name of hell would I want to do this?

"I thought you might want to see Phil or something"

I would like to, and indeed if I did come back, that would pretty much be the only reason. I'm more interested in seeing if I can get him to come and visit me. You know. For my party. At mine. Where all my stuff is. Where I will be.

"OK, OK, I just thought you might like to see yer mate, but if you don't want to..."

Yes indeed, let's make it sound as if the only reason for my not returning to the rural outskirts of purgatory is to specifically avoid my best friend.

He then goes through the list of how he tried to get in touch with me again, and how upset he was that I didn't call back.

THIS IS WHY I DON'T CALL BACK. YOU SEEM TO BE ONLY CAPABLE OF COMMUNICATING VIA EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.

I'd like to see 'em. Probably not on my actual birthday, but near it. And in London, where they have cinemas and arcades and computer game shops and taxis and the internet and pizza delivery and electricity and very rarely sacrifice pigs to the harvest god to prevent him from curdling the milk or round up their neighbours and burn them in a wicker man.

Not north of the river, anyway.

I do love my folks, I would very much like to see them, but they can chuffing well come down the motorway or, frankly, whistle for it.

Parents. Doesn't matter how old you are, they can always make you feel like a kid again. Gah.

Comments

[alterred.livejournal.com]

*nods* Oh I get this kinda bullshit all the time, mate!

And I can't even delete them from my friends list!

[cyberspice.livejournal.com]

I sympathise. I totally do. I'm 41 and I still get made to feel like a kid. One of my sisters lives in London and the other lives with her brood in Whitley Bay. So have they ever come and visited me, just me, ever? Have they fuck. I'm seeing them in just over a week because they're collecting my Nephew from my sister up north. They're passing so they want me to meet up for lunch. But if I want to see them for any time at all I have to drive down to South Wales or sometimes up to the North East. 'Cause its easy for me as I'm "on my own"....

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Tell 'em Corben can't possibly go to Burntwood as he's at a fragile stage and very sensitive to his enviroment. And that they live in a hellish shithole.

JmC
Lives in the Midlands and has been to Burntwood

[feuermaus.livejournal.com]

Your parents and mine would get on fantastically. Wonderful eh?(!) Still, if it serves as anything, it's to show you what NOT to do when Corben gets older.

D. tells me that your home town is like Loughbrough. Since I would happily raze Loughbrough to the ground and rigourously stamp on anything that survived until all hints of its' existence are destroyed... I feel for you.

Mind you, you might not think it, but growing up in Whitby was probably the same as Burntwood. The only town that can close the only cinema for 35 miles and replace it with a British Telecoms building. NIce...(!)

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

If I belonged to the metaquote community, I'd have to ask you if I could post this.

As I'm not, I'm hoping someone else will do it for me. :O

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

you know, this stuff makes me SO glad that my contact with my parents is limited to a phone call every month or so, and seeing them no more than once every 2 years. i don't even KNOW their phone number.

[cavalorn.livejournal.com]

They expect you to take a less than six month old baby on to the motorway for several hours, in what will almost certainly be pissing awful weather conditions, just to fulfil their emotional agenda?

What the fuck?

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I'm thankful that my parents skipped out on the actual raising of me thing - being a latchkey kid of a single parent more interested in finding her next boyfriend has made me largely impervious to parental guilt. Must've saved a good chunk of change not buying Mother's/Father's Day cards, too.

Then again, it's also made me evil.

::shrugs::
Trade-offs.

[rainbowskye.livejournal.com]

Maybe return the calls etc in future, but keep being firm about where you want to see them? Particularly given that several hours on motorways at holiday time isn't that much fun for anyone, but is a particular source of delight with a small baby, which surely they will recognise. Standing up to it worked for me (mostly) in the end with my Mum but it takes a lot of time, effort and heartache.

Just make sure you keep all these memories safe somewhere, so that when you start turning into them in a few years' time Corben can call you on it ;)

[wev.livejournal.com]

i'm continually amazed how the tiniest hick towns seem to give the world the most unique people. there is no way you can travel with a baby that age on the expressway, and you should only do what you want on YOUR birthday. =)

[toripink.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wonder if parents think that now that you're old enough, it's about time you learnt your place and bent over backwards to accomodate them rather than actually having an equal, mutually respectful and considerate relationship with their offspring.

Heaven forbid :)

[purplegril.livejournal.com]

This site? This is brilliant. All the Burntwood you could ever need, it seems. Not that I got past the front page...

http://www.ws7.org.uk/

[nniaa.livejournal.com]

Sounds very much like the place I grew up. the kind of place where if you beat gay people enough they will turn straight, etc. Can't imagine why you wouldn't want to go back ;)

Use Corben as psychological blackmail to make them come to see you.

[digitalharlot.livejournal.com]

my mum is queen of emotional blackmail.....and has left me on many occasions throwing phones at walls, i have retaliated to her constant blackmail by

1)every time she phones i remark on how inconveniently times her calls are as i was just in the middle of fantastic sex- she soon hangs up with out so much as a incy wincy emotional farce...

2)put small child on phone and let her listen to the small mite yelling or gurgling.....also ends in cut short conversations

3)suddenly have a nappy from hell to change with a long description of the contents....

4)ask her to babysit....this one works magic as when you get a NO......you can do the emotional blackmail bit in return....and it assures no calls at least for 2 weeks

[pete23.livejournal.com]

+1, except with Burnley.

i've bought the buggers tickets for the train in the end. they can come and see me. the missus seems to have some sort of residual guilt that their grandchild can get to > 2 months old without us trekking up to the frozen north to wave it at them. i say that they're my parents, and if they want hot child action then they can come and get it where it's hot. so to speak...

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

And that they live in a hellish shithole.

*laughs out loud*

I tell 'em, man, I do tell them!

Lives in the Midlands and has been to Burntwood

My condolancies, amigo. Burntwood! Gateway to... Cannock!

[danblood.livejournal.com]

oh, so THAT'S what babies are for!

[alienfox.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad my Mum taught me the Olde Welsh Ways of emotional blackmail and moodiness.

I'm not so glad that she's behind me right now as I type this, telling me to hoover stuff. Maybe I should just get up and ram my dick into the hoover and ask her how that is.

xxx

[lis0r.livejournal.com]

Ah, there' nothing like recognising the validity of lesbian poly relationships...

[digitalharlot.livejournal.com]

indeed!!

its something you learn the more you have~lol~

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

I'm SO close to removing them on FaceBook...

[alterred.livejournal.com]

"Facebook cull...it's nothing personal. I'm just sticking to people who are friends out of choice"


;)

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

The only thing that made my mom come visit was because I had the baby. I've lived in London for six years and had about that many visits, all but one from me dad. Usually when he's got business stuff down here. It's nice to see him like that, but like you say, you think "how often do you come and visit just me, purely to see me?"

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

I've been to Loughborough - it's nice compared to Burntwood :)

Mmm, I can imagine Whitby was possibly worse, although Burntwood has nothing, Lichfield, Cannock and Walsall are nearby. They're SHIT too, but they're a half-hour bus-ride away if you want to visit somewhere exotic, like Argos.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

You win at this ;)