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deathboyPhil (my best friend from childhood, who shares the same brain as me) is coming to visit tommorrow for a few days.
I hadn't realised (until I got drunk... that always makes everything so much more pure...) how much I NEED to see him.
How good it will feel to have someone there who cares about ME, and cares about the same things that *I* care about, and thinks along the same lines as me.
I need some reinforcement right now, as life is .... hmmm... "opposing" me generally.
And I have the fucking enegery to fight it back, but the top layer of me is still as weak as ever, and feeling loved and correct will very much improve my outlook on digging my way out of the hole that is my present-day life.
I need my friends right now.
And some of them have let me down.
That doesn't mean I don't love them, but it does mean I'm disappointed, and low, and will remember.
Friends are the people who should not only be there for you, but be able to recognise when you need them whether or not you've stipulated that you do. In fact, they should know you need them when you've expressly stated that you DON'T.
THAT'S a friend.
I need Phil here soon, because I'm starting to fall apart again.
I'd like Liz to be here, but I get the feeling from her that she's withdrawing to let me sort myself out, as she seems to do. I'm not sure if she does this because she thinks it's for the best (for me AND her), or because she can't deal with me when I'm like this (which I can understand - I'm no picnic when I'm like this), or ... well, I don't know... but I do know that when I need real help, it's often Phil that recognises the fact and actually turns up to be with me when I need him.
This isn't a statement of blame by any means. I still love everyone else as I always did, but I'm often re-affirmed that my internal list of "who I can count on" is roughly in order.
God, I hurt right now.
Someone save me, or kill it all.
Please.
Before I try, and make a mess of it.
These things were not built to last.
-=Scott=-
I hadn't realised (until I got drunk... that always makes everything so much more pure...) how much I NEED to see him.
How good it will feel to have someone there who cares about ME, and cares about the same things that *I* care about, and thinks along the same lines as me.
I need some reinforcement right now, as life is .... hmmm... "opposing" me generally.
And I have the fucking enegery to fight it back, but the top layer of me is still as weak as ever, and feeling loved and correct will very much improve my outlook on digging my way out of the hole that is my present-day life.
I need my friends right now.
And some of them have let me down.
That doesn't mean I don't love them, but it does mean I'm disappointed, and low, and will remember.
Friends are the people who should not only be there for you, but be able to recognise when you need them whether or not you've stipulated that you do. In fact, they should know you need them when you've expressly stated that you DON'T.
THAT'S a friend.
I need Phil here soon, because I'm starting to fall apart again.
I'd like Liz to be here, but I get the feeling from her that she's withdrawing to let me sort myself out, as she seems to do. I'm not sure if she does this because she thinks it's for the best (for me AND her), or because she can't deal with me when I'm like this (which I can understand - I'm no picnic when I'm like this), or ... well, I don't know... but I do know that when I need real help, it's often Phil that recognises the fact and actually turns up to be with me when I need him.
This isn't a statement of blame by any means. I still love everyone else as I always did, but I'm often re-affirmed that my internal list of "who I can count on" is roughly in order.
God, I hurt right now.
Someone save me, or kill it all.
Please.
Before I try, and make a mess of it.
These things were not built to last.
-=Scott=-
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no subject
Date: 2001-09-09 04:05 pm (UTC)It's really cuddly I hear. Hug 'em when you're down! ... DO IT! X-)
Take care, and hope ya feel better
Re:
Date: 2001-09-09 06:07 pm (UTC)hehehheehhehehhhh :)
But yeah... animal love would be quite appreciated right now.
I'm gonna have to go n do reprehensible stuff to my teddy bear now.
heheheheheh..
Well...
... YOu know....
... the bitch has been asking for it...
heheeeheehehhhhh ;)
-=Scott=-
no subject
Date: 2001-09-09 07:52 pm (UTC)