struggling

[deathboy]

Had a really good night last night, seeing friends and leaving the house for something other than Tescos for the first time all week, but christ, I'm really burned out right now.

It's battering me emotionally - I'm so unbearably sick of working practically non-stop, weekends and holidays included, caring for Corben in the weeks, too. I'm having daily bouts of just sobbing with despair. To say that I'm depressed would be an understatement.

Fortunately, I'm a fairly high-functioning depressive anyway, so I'm just rocking on with it, it's just meant that I'm working slowly and falling behind because I'm frazzled, and if I get other crap during the week, I don't have much in the way of resources for dealing with it.

I'm missing Kirsten, and currently feeling the loneliness of the solitary life quite badly, and we still have a year to go before she can look at moving over here. She's having a shitty time of it too, today, which I've not improved by being a moody, needy sonofabitch.

Hrrrr. Was only a few days ago, things felt considerably more rosy. I'm sure they'll swing back, but the pressure is crushing right now.

I'm mildly pigging out this weekend as, apart from having a low mood, I'm actually losing weight faster than I'm comfortable with and I want to put the brake on a little bit. So I've bought a load of smoothies and this morning I ate a bowl of gnocci and white sauce, then had some MnMs... scandalous!

I am, actually, looking and feeling tangibly thinner on my belly, and even a little on my face, but I seem to have dropped the greater part of 10lbs in under two weeks, and that seems extreme, so am chilling out a little bit. I'd sooner be heavier than make myself feel worse through my eating habits.

Back to the grind, I guess. I shall put on some comedy and drink some juice and see if I can't get my seratonin levels normalised.

Comments

[misterfallen.livejournal.com]

Have a banana. They apparently help raise serotonin levels. :)

Believe me dude, I know how painful it is when all you seem to do is work, and never see your friends because of it. But what happens when you finish your current project? You get to cut loose big-time, right? Don't work for the sake of working, work for that release you'll get at the end of it. Buy you a pint when you're finally free?

[phuturatica.livejournal.com]

how did you lose weight so fast? What is it that ou were doing?

I hope things get better for you soon. You deserve happiness. :)

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

calorie counting. I realised that I was eating a *ridiculous* amount of calories every single day, before, with a few blow-outs each week on top (plus my alcohol intake).

Going down to the recommended levels has made me absolutely piss weight, but I think it's a bit too fast, frankly.

So, yeah, I think my diet now's a bit lean, but before, I was really cramming in too much. Which explains why I put on about half a stone a year for a few years :P

[joellevand.livejournal.com]

D's been having similar moods/mild depressive states recently. Wasn't sure how to really broach the subject with him, then today in the drug store, he grabbed some herbal supplement or other. Since he's been taking various vitamins and supplements recently to be healthier / lose some weight, I just figured that's why he grabbed it, but decided to be a nosy wife and asked what it was for anyway. He said "it's supposed to increase my serotonin levels...."

You boys should talk.

[shadowofsummer.livejournal.com]

5-Hydroxytryptophan. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5htp)

None of the vitamins I take are supposed to help me lose weight. Because if they were, I'd be asking for my money back, frankly.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

I had a feeling it might be 5HTP :) I have used it in ... other situations in which I might have had a seratonin imbalance ;)

How're you finding it?

[shadowofsummer.livejournal.com]

I took the first one about two and a half hours ago, so frankly I'd be more worried if I had noticed an effect by now.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

aha!

although I think it does work within a handful of hours, IIRC. hope it works out, dude.

[shadowofsummer.livejournal.com]

If not, there's always plan B.

Delicious, cold, foaming, plan B.

[trav28.livejournal.com]

I know where you're coming from on the depression thing. Having been on SSRI's for just over 4 months I can see a lot of difference. Have you talked with your GP yet?

[wrong1.livejournal.com]

Stress of life changes, stress of work.
Hang on in there and when the reprieve comes you can cut loose a bit.
In 6 weeks, I finish my degree.
I'll come up and visit at some juncture.

?

[angryangeltoo.livejournal.com]

How long before you can take a holiday from work? Can you ask for a few days off to get some rest and sort out a decent sleeping pattern if that's gone to the wall?

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

onwards, ever onwards, dear sir.

(and yes, low blood sugar's going to tank your mood. In fact, self-medicating mood with blood sugar is/was definately a factor in my food habbits, and that's worth addressing quietly and gently, and possibly not while you're in the middle of UberCrunchZone with work ...)