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Violence / Sex
Just noticed this...
When I'm fired up... violent in nature, violent in mind, violent in temperament and intent... ALIVE...
I am NOT sexually overdriven... or indeed *active*...
I was just looking for a file... realised Kazaa had pulled down some more pr0n for the new DB120gig... opened a few to see what was in the box... no feeling.
Sterilised.
Like greyscale pictures.
Like history class.
Like the news.
I have a libido the SIZE OF CHRIST.
But when I'm rocking... and there's more feeling and love and hatred and power and energy flowing through my veins than you can EVER FUCKING STOP, my cock doesn't even get a look-in.
Akin to when I'm pilling - stroking my skin can be all-encompassing, but try to do anything more and I shrink away with a grimace.
Wrong drug.
Wrong time.
I can never and will never be attracted to violence with relation to sex.
I like violence.
I like sex.
I want to kill someone before I die.
I'd die before I hurt someone for kicks.
Hurting anything other than me for gratification gives the most abhorrent, extreme rejected turn-off I can trigger.
Although...
.. now I think...
.. it's OK if it's me that's getting hurt.
But I fucking HATE people trying to dom me.
Reconcile that, meester.
I spose I'm an introvert control freak. A lot of hatred, a lot of love.
The sensation of tearing myself apart pops my pupils, but the idea of anyone else doing the same makes me shudder till I'm sick.
Blood is good. Blood is bad. Pain is luxury. Hatred is bliss. Rip and tear and feed it all to piss.
Would you believe... old fashioned tender romance kicks me up more than anything else.
Suck my dichotomy.
Rock now.
When I'm fired up... violent in nature, violent in mind, violent in temperament and intent... ALIVE...
I am NOT sexually overdriven... or indeed *active*...
I was just looking for a file... realised Kazaa had pulled down some more pr0n for the new DB120gig... opened a few to see what was in the box... no feeling.
Sterilised.
Like greyscale pictures.
Like history class.
Like the news.
I have a libido the SIZE OF CHRIST.
But when I'm rocking... and there's more feeling and love and hatred and power and energy flowing through my veins than you can EVER FUCKING STOP, my cock doesn't even get a look-in.
Akin to when I'm pilling - stroking my skin can be all-encompassing, but try to do anything more and I shrink away with a grimace.
Wrong drug.
Wrong time.
I can never and will never be attracted to violence with relation to sex.
I like violence.
I like sex.
I want to kill someone before I die.
I'd die before I hurt someone for kicks.
Hurting anything other than me for gratification gives the most abhorrent, extreme rejected turn-off I can trigger.
Although...
.. now I think...
.. it's OK if it's me that's getting hurt.
But I fucking HATE people trying to dom me.
Reconcile that, meester.
I spose I'm an introvert control freak. A lot of hatred, a lot of love.
The sensation of tearing myself apart pops my pupils, but the idea of anyone else doing the same makes me shudder till I'm sick.
Blood is good. Blood is bad. Pain is luxury. Hatred is bliss. Rip and tear and feed it all to piss.
Would you believe... old fashioned tender romance kicks me up more than anything else.
Suck my dichotomy.
Rock now.
no subject
no subject
no subject
To me, blood is the one true example of why we're tied to this world... we can escape through music, drugs, whatever...
but when the high gives way to the low, we're still stuck in this existence.
And the more we hurt ourselves then further we have to fall back again...
Go figure.