struggling

Had a really good night last night, seeing friends and leaving the house for something other than Tescos for the first time all week, but christ, I'm really burned out right now.

It's battering me emotionally - I'm so unbearably sick of working practically non-stop, weekends and holidays included, caring for Corben in the weeks, too. I'm having daily bouts of just sobbing with despair. To say that I'm depressed would be an understatement.

Fortunately, I'm a fairly high-functioning depressive anyway, so I'm just rocking on with it, it's just meant that I'm working slowly and falling behind because I'm frazzled, and if I get other crap during the week, I don't have much in the way of resources for dealing with it.

I'm missing Kirsten, and currently feeling the loneliness of the solitary life quite badly, and we still have a year to go before she can look at moving over here. She's having a shitty time of it too, today, which I've not improved by being a moody, needy sonofabitch.

Hrrrr. Was only a few days ago, things felt considerably more rosy. I'm sure they'll swing back, but the pressure is crushing right now.

I'm mildly pigging out this weekend as, apart from having a low mood, I'm actually losing weight faster than I'm comfortable with and I want to put the brake on a little bit. So I've bought a load of smoothies and this morning I ate a bowl of gnocci and white sauce, then had some MnMs... scandalous!

I am, actually, looking and feeling tangibly thinner on my belly, and even a little on my face, but I seem to have dropped the greater part of 10lbs in under two weeks, and that seems extreme, so am chilling out a little bit. I'd sooner be heavier than make myself feel worse through my eating habits.

Back to the grind, I guess. I shall put on some comedy and drink some juice and see if I can't get my seratonin levels normalised.