dreams

[deathboy]

I spose I thought that, 'cos I know liz is right for me, that she would, in the fulness of time, appreciate the things I do in the way I do.

I guess I was, again, naive.

There's no reason why she should.

I just imagined, the way that, as a kid, I imagined there was a future, because I could see it, so it had a strength beyond my own little mental picture, that it MUST exist somewhere.

Well, I guess it doesn't.

I wanted to be able to share stuff with liz.

I guess that was stupid, and my way of trying to do that was stupid.

When we were kids, when the first snow fell every year, my dad would wake up the whole house in the middle of the night, and we'd put our boots on, grab our plastic sledges ("skidoos" as we knew them - confused me for ages, that....), and had a fuck-off snowball fight, followed by a midnight skidoo-smash in the crisp, fresh snow.

I swear, I could have killed my dad, the last few times he did that, but once I was awake, it was truly fucking magical.

I spose I'm grasping for some bits of magic left.

And I have a few precious bits.

And I just hoped I could share them.

But it's not like that.

It's a bit tough to think that I'm going to spend my whole life with just me.

I was ok with that for a long time, but I figured when you met the love of your life, some stuff was just written down that you shared.

Liz is the most wonderful person I ever did meet, and I'm still like a giddy schoolkid around her. She lights up my whole fucking life.

I don't know how to say how I wish I could have more, because I surely don't have the right.

bed.

Comments

[joysilence.livejournal.com]

But perhaps you love her so much partly because you both have mysteries in you, idiosyncrasies that the other can't quite understand, rather than in spite of it. Got to keep the mystique up and all that :)

[daemonbeauty.livejournal.com]

love is a weird thing.
you dont need to understand it most of the time.
every love is unique and it made me smile to read that you're still "like a giddy schoolkid around her" cause atm i exactly know what you mean. you feel like a stupid teenager and it feels great.
and you always want more. but the other one cant be a copy of yourself. but sometimes it's damn close.

[vixstar.livejournal.com]

you make me smile, especially the bit about being a "giddy schoolkid". when i finally saw you with liz it made me smile inside, you two certainly glow.

you know everything will be alright. maybe not being able to show her everything will make the pair of you stronger.

there are some things you have to keep, some things that are totally yours. you still have to be a person, even as part of a relationship. if you share everything, totally, you both just...become the relationship. does that even make sense? i know what i'm trying to explain but i'm still crap with words.

basically, don't sweat it. you won't be alone your whole life, you know she's inside you. explain things to her, don't expect her to share, expect the worst. everything that happens above that is a bonus. every day you see her and smile again is a bonus.

[cyberpunkgrrl.livejournal.com]

wanting to share your achievements with people isn't a bad thing. Of course you want to share - that's partly why you do it, to get it out there! But everyone is difference, and that difference is what keeps things going, in the end. I don't think you'd want to be in a relationship where your partner liked everything you did - believe me, you end up feeling suffocated!
I think, in the end, it's the fact that you *are* both so different that keeps you together...

and hey, you always have us fankiddie to tell you how much you rock ;)

[mog-warbeast.livejournal.com]

There are some things that you can't share - like I couldn't get Eris to sit down and watch Pride and Prejudice with me...

[zeke-hubris.livejournal.com]

Completely irrelevant, but the line "I don't know how to say how I wish I could have more, because I surely don't have the right" made me picture you dressed like Jesse from Preacher.