What's up, doc?

[deathboy]

I'm feeling marginally fulfilled.

Today was not a good day. Were I the kind of man to be wont to such demonstrations of masculine, hominid dominance, I feel sure I would have found it necessary to alleviate my mood via means of my A-K.

But I'm an angsty twat in north-london, in a country that doesn't permit civilians to carry firearms, so lives were spared.

Many months of hard work and hopes riding on good outcomes have, in the last few weeks (due to one of our major clients merging with another big korp) gone from A Sure Thing to Un-Cunting-Likely.

My company is still cool, I can still pay the rent, but our Grand Schemes of maybe having a little long-term-security and being able to plan for things like a mortgage, pension, marriage and children are now back to the Not-Fucking-Likely scale of events.

This isn't due to anything I or my company could affect, so I feel angry and helpless. Almost like working a real job. Ho ho.

Good stuff, Liz took the day off work, largely because she felt like it, so instead of waking up at 7am and grunting my love as my girly left for her dayjob, I woke up at a much more civilised hour, with my girly in my arms.

Words cannot express how pleasant this was. So pleasant, in fact, that I decided to spend much of the morning and early afternoon engaged in alternating states of Hot Lovin' followed by post-lovin'-coma, and repeat.

At this point, the day was looking ok. I even got up, extremely late, and managed to pull back two days worth of dayjob lateness to get myself ahead of schedule again.

Then I phoned Chi to tell him this and got the Bad News Smackdown regarding our general company future.

Still. We do have enough money in the bank to pay the rent, we're still owed quite a bit, too, it's just rather a bitch that the one job that we've worked so damn hard for, and would have been our meal ticket for the next year is probably fucked.

We're just back in the same goddamn place as we've been for the last three years, despite all our hard work. Back to living from month to month.

Then I learn ELR has dissolved, which also depresses me, though it isn't the hugest suprise in the world.

I foolishly look at my finances and realise I'm HORRIBLY in the red, despite my best intentions.

Then I sit down and read a whole bunch of things involving friends' bands getting signed, other friends being involved in really cool shit and a stark absence of replies from one of the few festivals I think we're really suited to, on top of the fact that we're not playing Whitby and frankly my day is just a bit shit now.

I took a nap.

I decided to see the world through some Sake and some ciggies, which told me I should use my angst to be productive.

I've sat down and reconstructed Playing Grownup from almost nothing (remember that I lost four years' worth of music just before christmas with a dead hard drive).

So yeah.

We're not playing any gigs soon because I'm finishing the album.

Finishing the album is taking quite some time because I lost absolutely everything and have to reconstruct it.

This isn't quite so bad because, after working with Rico, my standards have been jacked right up, so making it all anew means it is all much, much better. It's just taking a while.

We haven't scored any big gigs this year: Whitby? No. Dark City? Too late. InFest? Won't even reply to my emails.

But instead of getting fucked up about it, I had a drink and a smoke and I make a whole stack of progress on the album.

So that's what I'm doing, why I don't go out much, and why no, we're not playing anywhere and no, the album's not gonna be out for a few months.

I can only humanly manage to do so many things.

I'm broke, I'm depressed and I'm so very, very tired.

But if I have the energy left to stick a tab in my face and a Sake-saline into my arm, I will continue marching forward.

Comments

[jasontheknight.livejournal.com]

Go team us!

Y'know, I don't think we've ever been through such a lean period interest-wise. That said, I don't think Infest have ever been interested in us, even when we were cresting a wave. I mailed Dark City ages back, and a couple of the organisers were at TNAC, so I presume we're not their thing. It's a cocking shame, but onwards and upwards.

Sorry to hear about work-shiteness though. Don't worry, as soon as NOP get sold off I'll reserve a place for us both under Westminster bridge.

[hexadb.livejournal.com]

I think it's around this point you have to eat someone's hamster..
It'll get everyone's attention and then when the new album comes out everyone will say "ooh an album by that guy that ate the hamster!"
:)

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

this would be me faffing about trying to find words and failing entirely and .. yeah.

work things? Suck from the sound of it. Outside world mesing up the best laid plans generally does. Can only hope for swings and roundabouts to come into effect and soon.

other stuff - still failing ith the finding wrds and sensible reactions and stuff. Sorry.

[liz-lowlife.livejournal.com]

Dark City....I'm not too enamoured with their choices either.
They said they would like to put us on sometime and that time has still yet to emerge.

Their loss.

And that goes for thier lack of interest in Deathboy too.

Going to ground to write an album is excruciating because while you are doing that, you are not able to whore yourself on tour.
We are in the same position right now.

Hang in there, Petal.

:o)

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

thankya, darlin :)

[failed-bard.livejournal.com]

Many of us are still waiting to hear about the Deathboy - The Works mp3 disk you mentioned a few months back. Even if you swallow the shipping costs (heh, swallow), you're looking at a decent profit for each. Think of it like selling shares to get overhead so you can finish the album. Then, in 10 years we can sell them to some of your fans who didn't realize that every band has a 'back before I was famous', and become rich ourselves.

wwm.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

still looking at doing it, mate. it should happen :)