Be Prepared

[deathboy]

One of those things, like reading the chemical ingredients of all the things in the bathroom (you do that, right?):

Do you regularly check the places you sleep and assess them in terms of escape routes in case of zombies / xenomorph (/other) attack?

I do.

It just struck me that might not be entirely normal.

In other (related) news, I had two MARVELOUSLY scary things happen this evening.

On the way home from buying booze, I walked past a house on my (VERY urbane, suburban - AND THEREFORE ZOMBIE-CENTRAL) street, and SHAT myself to hear insistent, desperate scraping, as of a key in a door FROM THE INSIDE. Of a PITCH BLACK house.

CLEARLY ZOMBIES.

Then, just now, 'went for a ciggy out the back and heard the sound of heavy metal objects rustling and dropping against each other, then the telltale "Zombies sliding the manhole cover over" sound of metal against metal (followed, naturally, by a long silence).

I'm not mental. I'm just cautious.

Comments

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

surely, flats are a dead loss, defensively?

[glitteringlynx.livejournal.com]

I think you need to stop watching zombie movies, mate. You sound a bit paranoid about 'em. ;)

However, I'm always considering what I'd need to do in the case of an emergency, be it a fire or what have you. Go to the balcony, run down the back steps, how to manage the cat considering my cat carrier is about 200km away... yeah.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

yeah, yeah. you're thinking now.

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

you KNOW i take zombie preparation to whole new levels.

[devalmont.livejournal.com]

We should so discuss this. It would be nice to be able to do so without the other person slowly backing away.

My girlfriend says i'm deluded, but who's deluded when she needs someone to destroy the stairs?

[jettcat.livejournal.com]

Do you know where your cricket bat is?

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

I have a mental map of where the nearest bludgeoning instrument is at any given time.

being an alcoholic, the presence of 1L vodka bottles affords me a slugging / smashing / stabbing / molotov weapon at least half the time.

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

That's not cautious: that's prudent. It's just a shame that the zombies won't stand a chance when the Daleks and triffids decide to take over.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

From what I can tell, the greatest potential trap when faced by any British Sci-Fi baddy is any sense of gravitas.

Run like bloody fuck while quipping and you're probably in the next episode.

[smarriveurr.livejournal.com]

Zombies? Not quite as much... It's not for an exact purpose, but I have a standing habit of figuring out at least three potentially lethal weapons I could improvise in any room I've visited more than once. One improvised weapon suffices if I'm just passing through.

My home contains several innocuous objects artfully arranged in handy places for the purpose of defense. It contains a couple lethal objects too, but I figure it would be easier to claim self-defense with the innocuous ones - and, frankly, I think a burglar would be more frightened by my screaming and swinging a knobby walking stick than dropping into guard with an 18th century fencing sword. I mean, bloke in his pyjamas, threatening you with a flimsy-looking rapier? The cognitive dissonance is more likely to bring laughter than the appropriate brick-shitting.

[steam-doll.livejournal.com]

I used to do that at the mall when I worked there - figure out what potentially lethal weapons there were around. Most of them were both lethal and had great comic value, or had uses as barricades, traps, etc. (i.e. trapping zombies under a giant wire magazine rack thrown from upper to lower level). The major downside was, no sporting goods store... that would have provided more than enough.

[edwards.livejournal.com]

np: Blue Wraith.

You've got red on you.

[poggs.livejournal.com]

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOUR ICON ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[http://users.livejournal.com/_marauder_/]

In terms of zombie attack, I just spent a rewarding evening watching Dawn of the Dead - for the first time, no less.

Despite my constant commentary throughout the film along the lines of "why don't they do this?" I eventually resigned myself to the position that your average zombie heroines haven't actually been to Sandhurst and furthermore that film medium isn't yet interactive therefore such airings are entirely self-congratulatory and intended to raise one's etseem in the company present.

That said, if I found myself in the midst of a zombie holocaust my first action would be to ally myself with the willowy blonde with nursing skills who always seems to survive.

[drcuriosity]

How's your place for velociraptors?

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

Clever girl.

[echo-echo.livejournal.com]

I read the labels too. I don't know why given they are written in some kind of pigeon latin and I don't speak latin. But I like reading them anyway when I am bored and sat on the loo.

[poggs.livejournal.com]

Dude. Zombies moan, they don't scrape.

Ghosts scrape.

[hauntedunix.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I do the same thing. I heard someone throwing up in the flat above us, but to my highly trained zombie ear, it sounded like 'Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggh', which we all know is the sound of a hungry zombie..

*fear*

[ev1ldonut.livejournal.com]

Not mental at all.

I have an individual Plan™ for every place I visit regularly; home, home of kissycat1000, homes of several friends, work, and most frequented shopping areas. Any new place is immediately assesed for fortification and mid to long term survival prospects, escape routes are noted. Also present company is noted, particularly whether there's anyone there I don't like enough (or more likely, don't know and so don't care what happens) to be used as an expendable decoy while I make good my escape with the nearest and dearest. I know where every useable weapon is in my usual haunts, and always make note of anything I spot while out and about.

I thought everyone was like this?

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

If you mean, "do you point out to your wife that, locking the main fire escape route and then hiding the key in... oh, wait, she's forgotten where she put her keys AGAIN... or has locked the main fire escape route and left the keys in the lock on the inside such that a fireman using the next-door neighbour's keys would still be unable to unlock the door, is a bad idea", then, yes.

I don't even lock my car. What is it with some people and locking things all the time? If you don't trust the people around you, how do you sleep at all anyway?

[prosperine.livejournal.com]

i have to read all my bathroom products... although i think the people at Unilever now have a file on me with the tag word nutter cause i phone em up everytime they change one the ingrediants in some thing that was 'safe'.

I have scared many a person pointing out all the really usefull detaining or destroying weaponry contained in the other wsie innocent looking rooms we happen to be in. it never hurts to be prepared.

[danblood.livejournal.com]

gah .. the post apocalyptic world where the only survivors are paranoid schitzofrenics and insomniacs!

[wererogue.livejournal.com]

It won't be paranoid when it happens...
FYI:
Places with stairs are obviously good.
Bicycles good - faster than walking, slimmer than cars for alleyway escapes, quieter than motorbikes.
http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalguide/

[zero-shadow.livejournal.com]

I do remember a conversation I had in school, during an english lesson, regarding the best way to deal with zombies attacking you. And I suggested using a pitchfork.

Quite simply, the zombie's are dead corpses and therefore with rotting weak skin. Pitchfork, in the neck. Twist. Voila! Head ripped off with minimal effort.

Why did I say that in English class.

[youwantitwhen.livejournal.com]

Eh, I woke up with stitches where my kidney should be, in a tub of ice. Perhaps a French zombie kidney-thief?

[merlinc.livejournal.com]

Do you regularly check the places you sleep and assess them in terms of escape routes in case of zombies / xenomorph (/other) attack?

Over the weekend, while wandering around London with voofy I was very animatedly discussing how to survive the obviously imminent Zombie Apocalypse - however as we live in a city we're pretty much fucked in the long term. Although in the longer term .... mmmm ... brains!

telltale "Zombies sliding the manhole cover over" sound of metal against metal

Ah, I just associate this sound with a bad slash-fic between Starscream and Megatron that was posted on the old Warren Ellis forums.

[lucybond.livejournal.com]

Yup.

Unfortunately, when I was doing that this morning, I was unaware of the fact that I was still dreaming.

So, I was planning my escape route alright, but from my teenage bedroom in Alderley Edge. I was thinking where I could run to in order to get help, as a murderous burglar was moving about the house. In my memory, the police-station was up the hill (I don't think it is) & I was wondering what (if anything) would be open, not knowing what time of night it was, but at least there was a main road outside, & a hotel across the street.

As I was planning this, & trying to remember where my mobile phone was (could I dial silently for the police? Should I hide it in my underwear in case I was captured?) & the real world started to edge into the dream, the burglar got into bed alongside me.

Weird... this was a single bed, wasn't it? Isn't there another larger bed in the room? Why didn't he get into that one?

I hope he doesn't see me! I don't want to get hurt! He's really close, now, &... he's naked... & his feet are really big & cold...

At which point, the alarm went off & I woke up properly, &, duh, it was cavalorn, & my heart was pounding like crazy.

Note to self: stop reading break-in/murder case about pregnant victim near bedtime.

So... um... yeah... no zombies, no burglar.

[deviantsaint.livejournal.com]

having professionally learned about room-clearing and urban-warfare I can say that nothing fucks up a raid like three specific things.

tunnels (no one thinks about tunnels, they get past all kinds of containment which going out the back door or window won't hack).

random and strange objects(furniture sized) in a room. It creates "dead space" which means it obstructs the view and forces you to maneuver around it in order to make sure no one is hiding in or on the otherside of said object. it also tends to make the thinking process go "ker-chunk" when you do your dynamic entry and the room you have to clear looks like an escher painting or dada-ist experiment.

last but not least.... booby traps. cause after the first one (if you are lucky) you will have to stop and check every doorway and closet before you go through or open it, and that's just time consuming as fuck.

this all buys you time to get out the tunnel. cause without forewarning, there's not much you're going to be able to do to resist a raid. all you can do is hopefully slow the team down while you skedaddle and find away past the cordon they have erected around your house.

[myriadofsins.livejournal.com]

I was alarmed upon visiting my parents house that it is neither zombie, nor raptor proof.

[lucybond.livejournal.com]

Oh, also, on the subject of home defense against zombies... when I was a teenager & still lived with my parents, we lived over our shop, & there was a bar/restaurant next door.

One night, I heard a scary noise out back, & looked for something heavy.

I picked up a hand-drill in one hand, & a hammer in the other, & tiptoed into the dark yard. There was a rattling sound, I was sure.

I looked about the yard, no one there.

I opened the back gate & peered left & right along the driveway.

I decided not to creep next door & check there, 'cos I'd started to think that all I'd heard was water dripping into a broken plastic flowerpot, rattling in the gutter.

I went back to bed.

Next morning, I was leaving for school, when I saw there were police outside the back of the bar next door.

A man WITH AN AXE had smashed through the back door of the place & stolen bottles of booze & some cash.

Hand-drill & hammer teen against AXE MAN... I don't fancy my chances!

[deviantsaint.livejournal.com]

get professional help mate.

not a shrink.

these people.

www.zombiehunters.org