Stephen Segal - Lawman

[deathboy]

In terms of combining cheese and awesome, this could only be better if Chuck Norris started a fucking reality safari show on which he drove out into the plains of Africa and personally punched the faces off some lions.

I'm very much looking forward to Vin Diesel's forthcoming "The Wolf Wanker", in which it's revealed that during the shooting of XXX, Diesel was befriended a pack of Hollywood wolves and made an honorary member of their pack.

10 years later, the pack has fallen upon hard times and turned to prostitution and high-budget lupine pornography. The show follows Vin as he attempts to reconnect with and ultimately rehabilitate his former pack.

But first, he must infiltrate the set of their latest production and regain their confidence, the only way he knows how...

Comments

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

I came at this from a very different angle and thought "what can I write about quite painlessly?" - and came up with 20 things that are fucked:

1) The Internet
2) Society
3) Relationships
4) Children
5) Movies
6) Television
7) The media
8) Sex
9) The environment
10) Politics
11) My health
12) Pornography
13) Technology
14) The Economy
15) Housing
16) Music
17) Celebrities
18) Reality
19) Religion
20) Death

each of which, I'm sure I could bash out a few thousand words on.

While this isn't where you were going, I can imagine a synthesis in the form of explaining why we're already living in a post apocalyptic dystopia (how fucked everything is), how fucked up we all are, what you would probably need to survive, and how you're fucked because you probably don't have it or posses the wherewithal to obtain it.

Your turn, bingo-balls!

[mblanyon.livejournal.com]

Excellent. We have fusion. By maintaining throughout the narrative the dystopian viewpoint you describe, it maintains cohesion and sticky-fingered making-senseness. A central core of Cormac McCarthy discussing Deep Throat with Special Patrol Group, the hamster from the young ones, whilst the twitching corpse of Jean Baudrillard is repeatedly beaten with cricket bats by Paris Hilton's tampon.

I can envision footnotes and sidebars that could expand on and illustrate particular points. Footnotes fuck people off in narrative fiction but I think could work very well in this format. It could also take the snide up a notch (a footnote describing to the uneducated what CSS or web 2.0 are in withering phleghm-dripping Nathan Barley-baiting prose).

You missed out a few categories:

21) Art
22) Science
23) Philosophy
24) War

They may be more which I reserve the right to spunk at you.

I also like the idea of opening each topic with a quote. It gives it gravitas supposedly and can be wonderfully post-post-modern and witty.

Also, thinking simply in terms of girth and length, 20 chapters X 3,000 approx a pop, and *mmmpfff* you have a standard length novel.

[s0b.livejournal.com]

Just for the record - standard length novels are longer these days - usually >100,000 words - the important thing is to be able to fit the author's name sideways on the spine.

Your solution, obviously is to adopt very short nom de plumes