New track...

[deathboy]

.. but not.

New Track - But Not.

I dunno.

The hatred is REALLY FUCKING HARD AND DEEP INSIDE ME.

But the ability to sort it out.. express it.

Nope.

Lacking.

Missing.

'Been looking at myself recently.

Seen what you all think of me.

The comedy fucking fool.

I've been the happy dancing fucking jester for much much too long.

You all get to rip the shit out of me.

'Cept you never actually bother to come up and hug me or be nice to me.

You've had your fucking time.

You chose to rip the piss out of me.

Take pictures of me looking like a cunt.

Don't just flip me the bird - take a picture of you flipping me the bird and me smiling.

What, precisely is it you want?

Hmm?

I'm a cunt... sure... I *am* a cunt.

I'm worth shit. Sure. I AM worth shit.

I'm a FAT HANDED FUCKING TWAT.

Sure.

Get your fucking laughs in at my expense.

Tell you what.

I fucking HATE being called FAT.

I don't CARE that the whole "fat handed twat" thing was a 'joke'. I laughed because if I didn't, you'd all hate me.

Well, as it turns out, you don't like me so much anyway.

No Problem.

Fine.

Not A Fucking Issue.

I really CAN live without you ALL.

If there's anything to my music, it's based on knowing that I am worth nothing better than suicide.

What did you think "deathboy" meant.

I have an unhealthy obsession with suicide.

I FUCKING LOVE FUCKING DEATH.

I REALLY DO KNOW AND LOVE SUICIDE UBER FUCKING ALLES.

I spent several years believing that the best thing I could do for the world would be to top my sad fucking self.

I don't think any different now.

I just have a bigger audience.

This isn't "Scott throwing his toys out of the pram" this is Scott asking - "Why the FUCK do you have to be so fucking FOUL to me? EVERY FUCKING DAY?" Hmm?

Why is it the only response I get from people is amusing sarcasm?

I know I play along with it, but for fuck's sake... you didn't REALISE that I was being self-deprecatory because I just want you to fucking LIKE ME?

Fuck it,.

I've had a gut-full.

I will, as ever fucking proclaimed, proceed to make nasty sounds because I MAKE THIS SHIT BECAUSE I CAN'T **NOT**.

But I think I've given it long enough to see if people actually give a shit.

And yep, a few people do.

But the great fucking masses just plain like kicking the shit out of me when I'm down.

WHEN I'M DOWN IS ALL THE FUCKING TIME YOU WANKERS.

YOU KICK THE SHIT OUT OF A MAN WHO'S CONSTANTLY LIVING ON FUCKING ZERO.

The people I see and hug are the people I feel genuinely blessed to know and love. You make my life worth doing.

And so fucking what if I've got the arse on occasionally?

If I didn't hug you lots when I should have, I'm sorry. Given the chance, I *WILL*.

Those who make their fucking opinions of me.

Ah, well, bollocks to you.

I was too insecure. I wanted to impress. I meant to make you like me and I fucked up.

Thanks for the fucking time you gave me.

Back to the fucking grind.

Back to the fucking music.

Back to NOTHING ELSE FUCKING MATTERS EXCEPT ME.

Guilt Drip - DeathBoy - unfinished

Comments

As others see us

[bootpunk.livejournal.com]

I've been playing the drunken fool for a damn sight longer than I care to acknowledge.

I've been guilty of teasing you online before, but it's all good natured - and since you leveled with me I've kept me mouth shut, realising it wasn't funny.

You've got a rare talent, and meeting you irl has been one of the highlights of me swinging thru town these two weeks. I can't wait to see you live when I settle back this side of the pond.

Chin up. Don't let them grind you down.

Re: As others see us

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

Allo, matey.

Was very good indeed to meet you too, man - shame we were both too twatted at whitby to meet up for long, although that seems to be the theme of my whitby - not spending enough time with the people I actually give a shit about.

While I'm shite at turning up to the Dev or whatnot, greater efforts will be made, matey.

*hugs*